As a patient, DO NOT:
- be 3 years old
- be autistic
- not like strangers
- not like doctors, nurses, anyone in the medical profession really
- freak out when they put lotion on your arms in the waiting room
- refuse to walk through the doors into the office
- not like medicine
- spit out medicine
- refuse to watch your favorite movie cause you know they want you to
- fight like a buckin' bronco
- refuse to give up fighting even when you are exhausted
- refuse to sleep even when you are beyond tired
- not like shots
- not like needles
- not like bandaids and/or tape on your skin
- need 5 people to hold you down in an attempt to insert an iv
- have your veins blow in both your arms while trying to insert said iv
- have a tiny little hand to then try to insert an iv into
- not like things being taped on your (hands, legs, ears, anywhere)
- did i mention fight like a buckin' bronco
- also, did i mention refuse to give up
- try to keep fighting the sedatives they are pumping into you while strapped onto an MRI
- keep trying to scream when they have the max dose of medicine
- reach up with your arms during the final 2 minutes of the MRI
- refuse to wake up after your allowed 30 mintues of rest post MRI
- get super mad when they remove tape from you
- get super mad when your mom tries to get you dressed
- refuse to eat or drink so you can leave the clinic
- get mad at your lovely nurse aunt who came along for a horrible 5 hour journey only to have the dirty socks of a 3 year old thrown at her in the car
As a parent (or aunt who tags along), DO NOT:
- expect it to not be awful if thats what you are expecting
- expect to get out on time
- remember to take off all of your jewelry, and not wear anything with metal to only put super cute skinny jeans (with a metal snap) on the child getting the MRI
- forget to feed yourself lunch
- leave a guy with 2 infants and take his cell phone with you, especially if he needs to get to work and your appointment ends up taking 2.5 hours longer than scheduled
- forget to bring things to do (that dont require cell phone or internet connection in the black hole the office is in) in the time you are waiting for medicine to kick in or your child to stop freaking out
- forget medical facilities go from hot to cold in the blink of an eye and not be prepared with layers
- bother to wear makeup, you are just gonna get red cherry flavored medicine spit in your face multiple times
- ever think about bringing the child's grandparent along because if they would have seen what was going on they would have taken the child and walked out :)
As a patient, DO:
- be tired; very, very tired
- be hungry; very, very hungry
- be thirsty; very, very thirsty
As a parent, DO:
- bring along your sister who is a nurse so she can understand the medical stuff they keep saying and also so you can leave even though your child refused to eat or drink because if he gets sick later the medical staff knows the nurse at home with you will know what to do
- be super nice to the medical team that is getting beat up and spit on by your precious 3 year old, they will make this day go better for all of you
- take your child to the branch that specializes in children, they know what they are doing, they dont get mad, and they are crazy enough to deal with this every day, you wouldnt want to deprive them of their love, would you????
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